“I’m so glad I didn’t listen to everyone else because you’re actually not intimidating at all and so friendly.”

Ummm… thank you? I think?

 

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A post shared by Jenna Haith | Lifestyle Content Creator (@jennahaithlifestyle)

This is one of those comments that sounds nice on the surface but leaves you doing a mental rewind later. Because why were people warning you about me? And why is being confident, direct, and self-assured still being labeled as “intimidating”?

Let’s Be Clear About What “Intimidating” Usually Means

Nine times out of ten, when someone calls a woman intimidating, what they actually mean is:

• You’re confident
• You know what you want
• You don’t shrink yourself to make others comfortable
• You don’t over-explain or people-please
• You’re not desperate for validation

None of those are flaws.

But somewhere along the way, confidence in women got translated into something scary, unapproachable, or “too much.”

The Backhanded Compliment Problem

Comments like this aren’t meant to be rude, but they reveal a bigger issue. Women are expected to be warm, soft, agreeable, and unintimidating at all times. When you’re calm, self-assured, and secure, people project stories onto you before they even get to know you.

So when someone says they’re surprised you’re friendly, what they’re really saying is they assumed you wouldn’t be.

And that says more about the assumption than the reality.

You Don’t Need to Be Less to Be Liked

Here’s the thing – you don’t need to tone yourself down to feel approachable. The right people won’t need convincing. They won’t be shocked that you’re kind and confident at the same time.

You can be:

• Confident and warm
• Direct and friendly
• Strong and soft
• Self-assured and kind

All at once.

Final Thoughts

If someone tells you they thought you’d be intimidating, take it as information, not an insult. It usually means you carry yourself with confidence – and that’s not something to apologize for.

You’re not intimidating. You’re just not shrinking anymore.

And honestly? That’s a compliment whether they meant it that way or not.

Until next time…

xoxo,

Jenna